The Motoring World in Flames: Golden Parachutes, Dead Batteries, and a Toyota That Won't Stop at an Orange Light
- Mar 30
- 5 min read
🚗🔥 Germans are paying employees millions to quit. Electric cars are falling in the Czech Republic, Brussels is tightening the noose, Trump is "isolating" America. And Toyota? There are bombs in Cologne. The fifth issue of Motoring World in Flames is here and burning like an exhaust on the Nürburgring.
🧨 Golden parachutes from Germany: 12 mega for dropping out? Welcome to Autoabsurdis!
German carmakers – once the engines of Europe, now more like steamships heading into an iceberg. Mercedes-Benz, until recently the king of elegance, has started giving its employees a ransom to quit on their own accord. And not just any ransom – we’re talking up to 12 million crowns for a “voluntary” departure. Why? Because they have more people in the administration than TikTok dancers in the ladies’ restrooms.
Does this sound like a bad joke? But here's a very real desperation under the hood of the famous three-pointed Titanic-Benz starship. When you consider that they save more by paying someone to leave than by keeping them on the job... well, welcome to the automotive matrix. This is not restructuring. This is "how to get out of here before it all blows up."
🔌 Electric cars in the Czech Republic? People want them, but only ones with a steering wheel and no cables
A record 1.45 million cars were produced in the Czech Republic. Hooray? Not so fast. While production was booming like a delivery Fabia in Brno, the share of electric cars fell by 16%. In other words: Czechs still prefer the smell of gasoline to the taste of an extension cord.
No wonder – the charging network looks like a promise from politicians: they talk a lot, but when you need it, it's not there. And when it is, it doesn't work. We can wrap it in marketing, but people are not stupid. They don't want to wait 6 hours to get from Beroun to Liberec. They want to go. Now. And with heating.
🚔 Emissions fines: The EU has a new plan – to destroy what still works
Brussels decided that if car companies are already collapsing under the pressure of inflation, costs and the transition to e-mobility, it's time to throttle them even more. So – new CO₂ fines. Great!
The Czech Republic and Italy rebelled and said: “Not anymore, dude!” It's like someone is beating you with a stick, and when you raise your hand in defense, they accuse you of aggression.
Is this still a union, or just an expensive parody of reality? Carmakers are warning: if things don't change, they'll rather invest in factories in the US. Or on Mars. At least there's peace and quiet there and no Brussels.
🛞 Toyota Kolín: The Japanese are doing miracles in the Czech Republic. And no one is talking about it
In Kolín, it's like working in a medieval forge, only instead of horseshoes, Yaris are being dropped. Toyota exceeded its production plan by 32,000 cars, and more than half of them are hybrids. And be careful, no mandatory singing during production!
While others cry that there are not enough chips, parts, and people, in Kolín it's as if they have a secret battery from Tesla (BYD) under the floor.
🧱 Trump's big car embargo: 25% tariff on everything that doesn't have a "Made in Murcia" sticker
As the world struggles to keep from collapsing under the pressure of inflation, energy crises, and the war for every fuel-efficient SUV, Donald Trump has stormed back onto the scene like a cowboy in a tank—and declared war on cars . Specifically, those that weren't conceived, built, and sanctified on American soil.
Yes, since April, the US has been imposing a 25% tariff on all cars that have allowed themselves to be manufactured anywhere other than in the land of hamburgers and class action lawsuits .
And you know what? Trump loves it.
He literally said that he “didn’t care if cars became more expensive.” Because if you don’t want to pay more, you can buy a Chrysler. Or an older Buick. Or learn to walk.
His logic is simple: if we can no longer make cars that people want, we'll at least try to force customers to buy the ones that others don't. So what now? A BMW will be more expensive in the US than a flight to orbit. Toyota? It will be as affordable as a private island. And Volkswagen? It might fall back to Berlin before it even gets through customs.
But don't worry - Ford and General Motors will now finally have a chance to make cars that no one wants to buy... even more expensive.
🛑 Mercedes-Benz G: Car of the Year? In petrol, the king of the dunes. In electric, no more than a children's sandbox.
The Mercedes-Benz G-Class has been crowned Czech Car of the Year 2025. And deservedly so! After all, the G-Class is like James Bond in a steel cube – refined, unstoppable, and when necessary, elegantly brutal. But now comes the betrayal...
The jury was apparently especially enthusiastic about the new electric version . Yes, really. A G-E on batteries. So something like when you just come to a steakhouse and instead of a proper bloody steak, they serve you tofu with the taste of an extension cord. The classic G – in diesel or gasoline versions – is a legend. It is a machine that laughs at avalanches, drives through the jungle, the Sahara, Siberian permafrost and the battered districts of Central Bohemia without losing a single flower. When something breaks down on it, it usually means that it hit the tank. And that tank lost. An electric G? It feels about as safe in the field as an influencer at a farmers' market. Before you can get excited about the quiet start, your battery runs out. Maybe halfway down the driveway to your weekend cottage. Ideally, it will stop at the border of sand and asphalt, and then it will sit in the shade and simulate overheating.
And the Sahara? The electro-G would do great there. For example, as a mobile solar grill . Sand, heat, no socket within a 2,000 km radius – what more could you ask for? It works best as a landmark: “Keep straight until you see a German cube buried up to the windows, flashing its emergency light for the third day.”
Today's automotive world is more like a circus without a top than ever. But at least we can laugh about it before we're banned from driving altogether. So – enjoy the steering wheel while you still have it!
You'll read us again in a week with news from the Motorist's World in Flames! 🚗💨🔥 To make sure you don't miss anything, subscribe and don't forget to like us on social media...that's in today 🚀
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